February is the month of love. We celebrate Valentine’s Day and remember love. It is widely recognized as a month dedicated to and all about love. Many of us are (rightfully) focused on taking care of our health, eating nourishing whole foods and trying to be active … while meditating and flossing and taking some time of disconnection, away from devices.
These are wonderful acts of self-care, and they are necessary and important.
But there’s one act of self-care that is very often neglected, and it might be even more important than all the others: the practice of loving yourself.
In fact, this is so often neglected that when I mention “loving yourself,” many people don’t know what that means. Many of us have never consciously done it. If we have, it’s so rare as to be a forgotten memory.
But it’s my belief that we should do it throughout the day, like trying to drink 8 glasses of water. We should give ourselves at least 8 doses of loving ourselves every day.
What is this “self-love” (not in the sexual sense)? Imagine pouring out love in your heart to someone you love dearly — what would that feel like? Now try doing the same thing for yourself. That’s self-love, and it’s a completely foreign concept for the vast majority of people.
Self-love means accepting yourself as you are, showing self-compassion, kindness and investing in your personal growth and well-being. It encompasses your thoughts and how you talk and feel about yourself.
Do you tolerate mistreatment from others and neglect your own needs and feelings? When you lack self-love, you are likely to be highly self-critical and fall into the habit of people-pleasing and perfectionism. This may lead to self-sabotage or making decisions that aren’t in your own best interest.
How to Give Ourselves Love Regularly
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you have to change everything that you do not like about your life. It is about treating yourself a little better than you did yesterday. You need to shift the focus from getting things right the first time to enjoying the journey, taking realistic and practical steps to improve the quality of your life.
Set reminders for yourself, everywhere you go. Put reminders on your fridge, on your computer, on your phone, on your bathroom mirror, in your car, at your desk, near your TV.
The reminders only need to be two words: “Love yourself.”
When you see the reminder, the act is very simple (even if it doesn’t feel natural to most people yet — give it time):
- Pause and feel any stress, pain, self-doubt, anger, frustration, anxiety you might be feeling. Let yourself actually feel it, physically in your body, for just a few moments. It’s OK to feel this.
- Now give yourself the balm of love. As weird or silly as it feels, just try it. Imagine first that you are sending love to someone you love very much — your child, your parent, your best friend. Imagine them going through difficulty, and send love, hoping to make them better. Notice how that feels in your heart. Now try it for yourself, generating the same feeling in your heart, but sending it to yourself instead.
- Feel the love as a healing balm. No matter how little you’re able to generate, feel it wash over your stress, pain, anger, doubt … like a thick, syrupy liquid soothing the pain. Let yourself receive this love like the love you’ve been craving.
It’s that simple. It only takes a few moments — feel your stress and pain, send yourself love, let yourself feel it.
Do it 8 times a day. Or a dozen, if you can.
You need this care. Don’t hold it back from yourself any longer.